October 2, 2009
I also met winter Kelsey.

I also met winter Kelsey.

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Last weekend, we did the Nebraska Junk Jaunt.  Which quite possibly, is the coolest thing I’ve ever done.  It’s 300 miles of antiques/vintage/previously loved treasures.  26 (mainly small) central Nebraska towns participated.  We camped at night, and drove from site to site to site during the days. We ate big brats, and homemade zebra brownies, and drank free coffee served by little old ladies right out of their makeshift stores.  It was a blast. For a hair under $200, I came home with 18 purses, a granny shopping cart, 2 vintage suitcases, 5 blazers, 4 sweaters, a pair of boots, over 10 pieces of antique jewelry, a 1913 louisville slugger, a leather jacket, a fabulous fur coat, 2 jumpers, 5 vintage hats, and THIS.  What a success.

Last weekend, we did the Nebraska Junk Jaunt.  Which quite possibly, is the coolest thing I’ve ever done.  It’s 300 miles of antiques/vintage/previously loved treasures.  26 (mainly small) central Nebraska towns participated.  We camped at night, and drove from site to site to site during the days.

We ate big brats, and homemade zebra brownies, and drank free coffee served by little old ladies right out of their makeshift stores.  It was a blast.

For a hair under $200, I came home with 18 purses, a granny shopping cart, 2 vintage suitcases, 5 blazers, 4 sweaters, a pair of boots, over 10 pieces of antique jewelry, a 1913 louisville slugger, a leather jacket, a fabulous fur coat, 2 jumpers, 5 vintage hats, and THIS. 

What a success.

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Um.  Aren’t all you professional types supposed to be at work right now? Why, I politely ask, were all of you at Starbucks just a minute ago?  Cuz that’s kinda the time I like to slide in there and snatch my get up n go.

And you may have noticed I was wearing polka dot ankle socks with my checkered Vans.  Ya, well I wasn’t expecting to see you all. 

For future reference: you go to work, you stay there, you come out at lunch time.  That’s it.  Got it?

I wanted to yell out “what are you all talking about?” You were all talking so much.  I just woke up.  That was awkward.  Let’s not make this a habit.

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October 1, 2009
Please redirect all of your questions regarding my sibling rivalry issues to emails such as this. Thanks.

Please redirect all of your questions regarding my sibling rivalry issues to emails such as this.

Thanks.

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Quad Venti Non-Fat Vanilla Latte. Making massive to-do lists its bitch since 2003*. *For me that is…

Quad Venti Non-Fat Vanilla Latte.

Making massive to-do lists its bitch since 2003*.

*For me that is…

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September 29, 2009

I feel in over my head, like I need a magic wand to thud against the clock and stop it for a minute.  Time is overflowing and I can’t even catch my breath.  I feel like I have so much to do.  Maybe booking three vacations right in a row is about as dumb as it gets.

Maybe trying to do so many things is silly too.  Am I even doing anything well anymore?

I need to catch my breath.

I haven’t found the time to deal with my feelings from my breakup and it’s been two months.  TWO MONTHS.  He’s found the time.  Why haven’t I?

I just need a magic wand.  I need time to stop.  Just for five minutes.  So I can catch my breath.

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September 22, 2009

Today's Daily Dose of Boner

  • Boner: How was Arizona?
  • Me: Great man, thanks. How was your weekend?
  • Boner: Awesome. I got my oar locks in.
  • Me: What's an oral hawk?
  • Boner: No. OARRRR LOCK. For my inflatable row boat.
  • Me: Bangin Bone. Congrats!
  • Boner: Ya. It's perfect because now I can find a girlfriend.
  • Me: All that was missin was those darn oar locks huh?
  • Boner: Yep. Now I can romance her right.
  • Me: Lucky gal Bone.
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This is a snapshot of laziness...

Will someone please tell me how I can get a tumblr app on my BlackBerry so I don’t have to figure it out on my own?

Thanks.

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September 16, 2009

We have a cook named Boner. He has one tooth.

  • Boner: I had a dream about you last night Kelsey.
  • Me: Please tell me we were at work and you were cooking and I was working.
  • Boner: Nope.
  • Me: Oh Lord.
  • Boner: You came walking up to me, and you were looking sooooo spiffy.
  • Me: Spiffy?
  • Boner: Yeah. You had your hair in the most perfect set of pigtails.
  • Me: Sick!
  • Boner: I couldn't stop looking at your pigtails and thinking ohhhhh Kelsey.
  • Me: We're done here.
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Brace yourselves for what I am about to tell you.

alexbrooke35:

SHE’S ALIVE. THE CRAZY FISH IS ALIVE.
Two hours after discovering her lying dead at the bottom of the disposal, I got the nerve to pull her out with tongs and give her the proper flushing she deserves. But what happened next, you ask? She wiggled, and I peed. My fiance screamed out loud in unison “she’s alive!” as we struggled to grab one of her fins with the tongs that so frequently turn our chicken on the grill.
I finally got her out and launched her back into her martini glass. And like nothing happened at all, she swam around happy as a clam eating her breakfast.

I have had a lot of fast ones pulled on me in my day, but never one this good.
Props, Princess Barack Obama Frenchie Katrina Banana Hammock. This slow clap is for you.

 This truly made me laugh.  Oh, and by the way.  She’s dead again. 

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